Brave (not so much) New Life

I just realized how many have been concerned about me and my husband....I've been away from blogging for a very long time!

The bad news is that the radiation treatments were not successful.  We returned home from that glorious time in NYC on Labor Day and were almost immediately back in the hospital for pneumonia!  That got me some help with treating the radiation burns (!) but otherwise sucked.  Soon after that?  A snowstorm in October and a ten-day power failure.  I swear, we were waiting for the locusts about then.

Life calmed down for a few days, then the poor guy developed crushing headaches and a sudden drooping of the side of his face.  (I mean, seriously?  Anything else you got for us, Lord?)  It went downhill from there, unfortunately, ending with a three-week stay in the hospital.  Terry (who never wanted me to use his name on the blog) passed away with the three kids and me at his bedside on December 15, at exactly 10:15 pm.

I've been trying to cope with the whole thing.....I was not as prepared as I thought I'd be, but you can't watch someone go through what that man went through (with very little complaining about some pretty nasty things) and not feel some relief.  He couldn't have gone on and I couldn't have handled much more.  We had moments of hope, but in the end it was discovered that the cancer had spread to his spine and probably his brain.  My big regret is that I couldn't bring him home to die.

I'm really okay.  I'd crawl up on the bed next to him every day and we'd cry, so I haven't felt the need too often to cry.  He told me repeatedly that I'd "be okay" or that we would "be okay", so I have to be okay!  I'm finding my way through the probate and estate stuff, and figuring out the financial stuff.  (Seriously, though, FOUR checkbooks?  I don't think so!)  I've got a good financial advisor to help me through that stuff, smart sons to help with other stuff, and lots of friends.  The guys at the range have been AMAZING.  Some in-laws and relatives?  Not so you'd notice.  

Oh, by the way.....just to keep busy I took an NRA Instructor course the last two weekends and will soon be (when the NRA gets around to processing the paperwork) a Certified Basic Pistol Instructor! I'm also working towards becoming a Range Officer at our local club.  Life goes on.

Comments

[Shelley]

Your courage, in the face of all the trials of this past year, is not to be disparaged! You gave everything you had and I think you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Life does go on and I'm glad you are finding everything is okay just as Terry predicted.

[Connie]

So much love for you Marcia, you are always in my prayers.

Love, Connie

[Karen Kellogg]

Marcia,
I've wondered about you and your husband, (and sent off tiny prayers) and now am sorry to hear he has died. The battle was fought hard and gallantly, though. Your strength is evident in your post, and you are moving forward, Good!
Hugs from a past workshop buddy,
Karen, aka kwonset.

[Sarah]

I'm so sorry, Marcia.

[Anne]

Glad to see you back, sweetie! You know I've been thinking about you and I'm glad to hear your kids have been helping out with things too. Is that new grandbaby here yet??

[Marcia Cooke]

Thanks, Anne. Dont know about being back, but I had a number of concerned emails from readers and felt I had to fill people in. Maybe when I get a handle on all the probate and financial stuff I can sit down and start blogging again. Maybe cathartic. Maybe not.

New baby is due sometime after the middle of June.....not exactly sweater, hat and blankie weather in Baltimore! So, Ill make something for fall instead....thatll give me more time!

Hugs!
Marcia

[Kathy]

I am so sorry, Marcia.

[Kim]

<3 Hang in there....we are all here for you.

[Laurie]

You've done a remarkable job.

[Joan]

Glad you posted. I hope that the peace you're feeling continues unabated. Deeply sorry for your loss. You are indeed a brave woman, and strong, too! Take care.

[Stacey]

I'm so sorry for your loss.